We’re all the bad guys in a badly told story
Don’t worry about gossip or criticism, because we’re all the bad guys in a badly told story. You can’t wear yourself out in the masochistic exercise of wanting to look good for everyone, because in the eyes of some, even if you don’t want to, you’ll end up being the bad guy.
It is okay to take care of your actions, to try not to hurt people with your words and actions and to sow the good in order to harvest the good. However, we can’t obsess about always keeping everything under control and being the good guy in the movie. In some stories, told from a rather peculiar perspective, we will end up being the villains.
That need to want to keep conflict at bay, control our relationships, and always appear to be the good guy is called social anxiety.
Social Anxiety: the anguish of always wanting to be the good guy
Social anxiety manifests itself in many ways, one of which is wanting to please everyone and not being involved in any conflict. Of course, if you’re a person who appreciates his or her own peace, you don’t want to be involved in conflict, so you’ll always watch what you say and do. But a person with social anxiety is stressed out by everything they can’t control, such as ‘what will people think of me’, ‘did I say something inappropriate’, ‘what can I do to please them’.
However, it’s clear that no matter how hard you try to measure everything you say or do, you can’t control the results. Each person is a universe of subjectivity and can interpret things according to his or her inner world. That’s why misunderstandings exist: what you said with a different intention than the one that was interpreted.
In the face of a misunderstanding you can take the time to explain, however, we cannot spend our whole lives explaining to others what we think, talk or believe is unhealthy. We have to accept that for some of us we will be annoying, for others we will hurt without the slightest intention and that many others will speak ill of us because of something they perceived from their own judgment.
Don’t martyr yourself for the alternate versions that emerge from the facts
Reality can be read in different ways, but among various people they can reach a consensus of truth. In order to reach this consensus, it is necessary to analyze facts and words without interest, so you find objectivity. However, there will always be an alternative story that presents all the facts from another perspective. The first thing you must accept is that everyone is free to interpret things as they wish and that you do not have to force anyone to believe that you are the good guy in the story.
The facts speak for themselves, but if the person still maintains a completely different version, don’t martyr yourself, accept that each person can embrace their subjectivity as much as they want and free themselves from it. If the story is passed on by word of mouth and you find yourself in a situation where many people speak or think badly of you, hold on to the peace of your own truth. Do not let yourself be disturbed and keep in mind that the truth always wins out in the end.