What others think about us doesn’t have to affect us
Learning that our value is not in the compliments we receive or the disappointments we do not cause takes a long time. It is also tiresome and a waste of energy to tirelessly perform that exercise of trying to please the other. We can’t always meet the expectations of others and that’s okay.
Of course we cannot live in isolation in a bubble, despising everyone else, but it takes a lot of self-confidence from time to time to condemn every claim on us and to acquire a sense of self. Regardless of what others expect of us, we need to give strength to our way of being and choosing.
I once read the following sentence: “Self-esteem does not mean ‘you will like me’. Self-esteem means, ‘It’s okay if you don’t like it. And that’s what it’s all about.
Sometimes we want so badly to be accepted that we forget the most important thing, to be ourselves. When our desire to be loved by others exceeds our respect for ourselves, we forget how to set limits, how to say no, how to protect ourselves and follow our own desires.
It’s really very cruel to live worried about what people think of us. Other people can think what they want, they can love me or hate me, it doesn’t change who I am.
Living with a desire to please makes us puppets who satisfy the whims of others. There will always be someone to disappoint when you try to be yourself, but that does not detract from who you are. You must accept that you are not infallible, you also make mistakes, you are imperfect, you have limits and that is fine. Take care of your family, your friends and give them all the respect they deserve, but don’t walk away from who you are just to please and not to criticize.
You’re not God, so you can’t control everything. It’s not even healthy to try. Give your best, learn from your mistakes, forgive your limitations and above all respect your time. Saying NO is a right that no one can take away from you, the word “no” exists for a reason, use it without remorse. People who truly love and respect you will understand that you can say I can’t or won’t do it.
This is self-love. Having the awareness that you will not always be accepted as you would like, but at the same time understand that it is okay, that there is nothing wrong. The important thing is not to look good in everyone’s eyes, but to know how to forgive yourself when something goes wrong. There is a popular saying that says “Be a good person, but don’t waste your time checking it out”. So, ultimately, it’s about feeling good about who you are and your choices.